yesterday’s perfection
by Elizabeth DeBarros
“Fads come and go, but trends live longer.”
-Newell Turner, Editor in Chief, House Beautiful, Dec/Jan 2011
It’s all about STYLE.
At least that’s what they told me. And I’ve lived long enough to know how an ever-changing forecast of what’s in and what’s out can influence choice on many levels. Did you know that hot pink is considered a neutral? Well, it is. They said so. Goes with any color. Feel free to buy the pillow now.
Designers issue warrants against fads, render edicts about what IS, and claim joy, peace, and freedom yours by following the latest trend. The amount of money spent in search of the holy grail with just the right patina doesn’t matter, as long as it’s not fake verdigris from a can. That is so 20 years ago.
Don’t get me wrong. I love good design. Point out an arch and I’m in Rome. Put some big round peaches in a respectful blue bowl (any shade) and I’m happy. Natural beauty is the raw element of all good design — shape, color, texture and a drop of wonder; its strength. Then comes quality and a certain perfection. And placement. How and where a thing goes can adjust a person’s sensibilities. Here, not there. This, not that. Yes. No. A little to the left. Like having an editor living inside your head, hacking away at the excess, adding to what is sparse, leaving behind what works, that five peaches are better than four. Same with flowers. Odd, never even. Right there. Keep it. Perfect.
But if there be any grit to one’s theology, it will inform even this kind of stuff.
♦ ♦ ♦
In the ’70s, I grew up in a family with a mother who not only acquired glass grapes, an orange butterfly chair and a Rococo mirror but also knew what to do with them. As she did with the hot pink ostrich feather boa, which matched the hot pink Qiana criss-cross halter gown she had made to wear on a cruise. Her closet held more excitement than a funhouse. The Spanish gaucho outfit, for example — the hat alone was more grand than our small town could bear. But her penchant for quality surpassed her flair for fashion, so she got away with it. The pairing of grey leather gloves with the studded grey suede pumps and hose took skill, but a dusty lavender felt cloche is what made the plum wool suit sing. She knew color — undertones and overtones of every hue.
Ever the domestic maven, she could spread a table like no other. Fresh flowers to celebrate the season; red, white and blue on the fourth of July. Also kept a different set of dinnerware for each holiday and occasion, including shells and oval dishes for whenever a whim arose for stuffed clams or au gratin. (Her frittered squash blossoms didn’t need a plate.) Everything I learned about taste, tilt, mood, lines, scale, bias and nap I learned from her — furniture, clothing, hats, coats, purses, linens, blankets, bathing suits, shoes. Lamps and candles, too. Taught me to first eyeball things, then measure afterwards. Her city ways showed up even at the farm stand, where she made buying local honey and a dozen ears of corn look glamorous. Someone should’ve taken her picture, as those days are long gone. But style can’t be sold, and these days they don’t call her “Hollywood” in the nursing home for nothing.
Today, she admits it all was a fading glory, along with the patent leather stilettos, silver eyeshadow and chandelier earrings that swept long against her black cocktail dress. For the first 21 years of my life, I lived inside her magazines, buying the lie, too. A scam of the highest order. Thankfully, we both got out in time.
That’s why fads and trends don’t cut it for me. Covetousness mars the whole bolt. But I don’t fight back by dressing in burlap. I just need to keep a check on “wanting nice things.” Joy, peace, and freedom do not come from 1,500-thread-count Egyptian cotton bedding, the Audi or good lighting — and I really like nice lighting. The world of design, diamonds and pearls — and a well-appointed home — pale in comparison to the flawless beauty of God’s commands.
Sure, glossy perfection exists, but mostly for the camera and to help us get in touch with our depravity. Although many never get past the must-have alpaca rug. Or they buy two for the price of one and feel good about how much money they saved. Depravity reigns in the cleanest of ways while designers and decorators spend way too much time doting on the small stuff, enticing the masses to crave what they don’t have and what their eye never has enough of seeing.
Tomorrow may find us laughing at today’s fads, but trends, well, one day they’ll be so yesterday.
As a former fashion victim I think I spent my first thirty years worried about if I was “Cool” or not. I think about all the time I could have spent doing something so much more productive, and it bugs me. I am so thankful we serve a loving, merciful God! I also understand and believe that God not only redeemed my life, he straightened out my priorities as well.
I have learned that it does not take much money or lots of stuff to enjoy living and that by giving my life to Jesus Christ it has changed the things I need and want. I have the covetous moment here and there but I would not change a thing about living simply and uncluttered for the Lord. This was wonderful, Elizabeth, and I envision you as an adorable little girl standing in those stilettos…how blessed I am that God has made you my sister in Christ!
I have to say this was my favorite part. “That’s why fads and trends don’t cut it for me. Covetousness mars the whole bolt. But I don’t fight back by dressing in burlap. I just need to keep a check on “wanting nice things.” Joy, peace, and freedom do not come from 1,500-thread-count Egyptian cotton bedding, the Audi or good lighting — and I really like nice lighting. The world of design, diamonds and pearls — and a well-appointed home — pale in comparison to the flawless beauty of God’s commands.” Amen!
Amen, Teresa, there is no other treasure…
I spent years pining for things, big things…but God dealt rather severely with me over those idols. Thankfully, He won. I am grateful for everything He has given me (us), but they don’t have the same weight they used to, praise God.
-E
What a wonderful post, Elizabeth. I love the way you write. Your descriptions were so clear and inviting. I, too, had a mother who was a fashion maven. She had to have all the glitz and glamour that life had to offer. She grew up in a small town, but dreamed of being an interior designer. She also had an eye for matching things, beautiful jewelry, fine silver and anything she could buy. She was a child of the Depression and I think she was trying to make up for it.
At the end of her life, we had to sell so many things to help pay for her care. She knew the Lord, but was very caught up in the possessions of this world. I loved her dearly. However, I never caught her bug for wanting to accumulate things. In fact, it turned me off. She would buy me so many things, and one day, I told her I don’t want your things…I just want your love.
We had a difficult relationship until she was afflicted with Alzheimer’s Disease. I came to love her more and see her in such a different light during those ten years. She did teach me how to have a good eye for fashion and how to take care of my skin etc. I am thankful for that. But she also taught me, accidentally, that possessions do not make you happy.
Lest you think she taught nothing else, she did teach me a lot about the Bible–and when she would have troubled times, she always read the Psalms. I know she is in heaven. Just wish she could have not gotten so caught up in the worldly things.
Thanks again…for your wonderful post and your poignant message.
Blessings!
Thanks for your comment, Barbara. It blesses me to know that this post touched you in such a personal way.
My mom became a Christian at 45, and that’s when everything changed. One of the first things she threw away was the hot pink boa!
-E
you are awesome – the thrill of the purchase is something I have to check myself on, as well as that perfectly staged kitchen in the latest shelter mag where everything looks so right, but it’s not the way you live. I tend to ignore fashion (I lost the gene somewhere in the 90′s), but LOVE interior design. I am so glad that now has become ‘what can you do with an old chest?’ rather than having the most expensive stuff – fits into my ‘making good use of the money God has given me’ belief. I used to be hooked on stuff (um, I think God calls it ‘covetousness’), but thru His mercy and healing, I no longer try to scheme how to buy something I know my husband will say ‘no’ to. I do get tempted, tho. More than I care to admit. Blessings to you, dear – He is MORE than enough for me…
Thanks for reading, Lisa…and for your comment:)
I used to go after the “thrill of the kill,” too. But when I went through a severe trial a number of years back, God used it to show me how entrenched I was in the pagan practice of running hither and yon for the “thing” I had to have. After that dark season in my life, I came to know firsthand that He is a jealous God.
Yes, He is MORE than enough.
-E
This is excellent! How many amen’s can I throw at you? “But if there be any grit to one’s theology, it will inform even this kind of stuff.” I am learning the art of true contentment and to be happy in any circumstance even if nothing seems in its rightful place. Blessing to you, dear one!
So good to hear from you, Petra! Thanks for reading…the only thing I can say about the art of contentment is that it is truly divine. May we both grow in this grace!
-E
I don’t have a stylish bone in my body, sad to say. But the great art of a storyteller is in drawing you into their world and making you care…and I love these precious memories of your mom, Elizabeth, and I feel privileged to have been able to share them. I can quite imagine how she’s wowing everyone in the nursing home. Thank you for allowing us in.
“Everything I learned about taste, tilt, mood, lines, scale, bias and nap I learned from her.” I think my mum realised early on that an education in these things would be wasted on me, but I love hearing how your mom taught you the art of appreciating even good lighting. We may have different attitudes towards style, E, but we certainly share a love of the “flawless beauty of God’s commands”. Thank you for not “doting on the small stuff” but lifting our eyes to the boundless beauty of God’s Word. Bless you.
(And I loved your hidden little comments too, especially on the orange butterfly chair
Dear Diana,
Your comment means so much…coming from a woman who likes jumping from helicopters and abseiling down tall buildings…I wondered what kind of reception I’d get:)
But like a true friend, you met me in the memory. Thank you for going into that unfamiliar world and hearing my heart.
-E
Another grand slam, my friend! This had me both laughing and crying. Having just spent the last two years with my mom in the nursing home, I was continually struck again by Solomon’s words:
“Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher,
vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
What does man gain by all the toil
at which he toils under the sun?” Ecc. 1:2-3
I, too, have been guilty of spending money and energy on “things” and fads that quickly become yesterday’s news. But, I’m kinda liking the “new” Minimalism movement. Hmmm…let’s see if I can spend countless hours and efforts now downsizing. hahah!
Your ma did pass on to you flair and style, though!! Three cheers to her for that!
Much love!
diane
Dear Diane,
Thank you, thank you…you are such an encouragement to me!
Curious to know what it was that made you laugh…was it the gaucho outfit? If only you could’ve seen the hat! Even had a thin red grosgrain ribbon halfway around and it tied under the chin. She was amazing.
But the best part is that now she would sit there and quote the verse along with you, “Vanity of vanities…”
Love you, sister,
-E
I am still thinking about all you share here. I have two daughters, what am I teaching them? What is it that they will be writing 20 years from now about me?
I need to grow in grace everyday. O How I need Him, every hour!
Thank you for writing. Your words are a gift to me… and they don’t get “lost” in the mail
Hugs!
Mom brought classic style with her wherever she went…and continues today ~ She’s Hollywood all right…beautiful giving praises to the Lord. That’s beauty.
Great post, Liz ~ I love your style…
I really enjoyed this post, Liz. It challenged my thinking and made me reflect upon “what matters.”
“One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple” (Psalm 27:4)
I do believe that God gifts some to design and artistically beautify the world with their gift though. A personal note: Once, when I was ill, your mom brought my family and me a dinner. Was it a tuna casserole? Was it a tub of pasta? Was it a one pan meal in a throw away tin? Oh no! It was a roast beef/gravy, mashed potatoes, fresh veg and bread feast. Home baked brownies, all served in china, alongside fresh cut flowers and beautiful pewter candle holders with candles(I still use these regularly)….did I mention the tablecloth and cloth napkins? She laid it out for us, then left us all sitting there feeling loved and blessed. My family has never forgotten the gift of her service, generosity, and beautiful application of her talents and abilities.
Finding the Motherlode is a beauty, too.
Cindy,
Thank you so much for your comment. It’s a double blessing to know that you found “me” through my blog and were able to connect with this post so personally. It’s true that Mom was the quintessential hostess, and made our home and world a beautiful place in which to live. I’ll be forever indebted to her for all the ways she lovingly expressed her artistry.
God bless you, Jerry and the family.
-Liz